You win some, you lose some…

I know people are wondering how things are going down here and your love and concern mean the world to me.  I am going to put this out there so that you can know the latest but I need to preface it with the caveat that I can’t talk to anyone about it right now.  I am so touched that so many people love and support me but I don’t think that I will be able to keep it together if I have to talk to people about this and right now I really feel like I have to keep it together.  Feel free to comment here or talk amongst yourselves.  Soon I will have dealt with this and I will be me, but in the meantime I am hiding under my metaphorical covers.

So, today… today kinda stunk.  Today I saw my oncologist and there was evidence of a new tumor in my brain.  We are going to continue  the next two cycles of chemo as scheduled to see if the tumor stops growing, shrinks, or disappears all together and I will know more at my visit at the end of June. 

What does this mean?  Mostly what this all means, at least right now, is that this trial wasn’t the cure that I was hoping it would be.  Right now the best case scenario is that the chemo is slowing the growth of the tumors down while I am on the medicine but that once I am off of it again they will grow however they want.   If the tumor remains in two months despite the chemo we will look at what needs to be done about it.

Today has been hard.  I am disappointed.  I fought hard to get into this trial and everyone around me has fought to get me back and forth the 1000 miles to Texas. People have given money, brought meals, watched my kids, let me crash with them, and just stepped up amazingly when I have dropped the ball.  I am so grateful to everyone for everything you have done.  I’m not giving up, I’m just taking a few days to process and then I’ll be ready to kick some butt again.  In the meantime, thank you.

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